Why am i dating a girl if im gay
There's no stress of being the only person who notices that you need to buy toilet paper or that you need to buy a birthday gift. No praising someone because they did a single effing dish after dinner. There's no silent resentment brewing over housework or errands, because we both come at things from the same place — the burden is genuinely split, rather than having to tell someone what to do and feeling like a nag.
I know, I know — NotAllMen. I'm making a major generalization here based on my personal experience with a handful of men and my current experience with one awesome-ass lady. If you've got yourself a man who puts in that mental labour, you're killing it. Have him tell his friends.
Encourage him to lead a seminar. This isn't just me and my girlfriend — it's science. Lesbians have more orgasms than anyone else. The home-court advantage definitely holds true but it's more than that. Because nobody's orgasm is considered the "main event," you both get a lot of attention. Oh, and because there's no male orgasm for a big finish, it means sex can just kind of keep going It's awesome.
I know many men are receptive to sensitive conversations, and some men can even be MORE emotional than their female SOs, but so many of my friends are scared of looking "emotional" to their boyfriends. They don't want to be a bother or, worse, be dumped for being "hysterical.
Now, my girlfriend and I don't meet the lesbian stereotype of sitting around talking about our feelings for hours — that would be boring. But I feel totally secure mentioning if something's bugging or upsetting me, no matter how small. It means we deal with issues as they come up, before we're stressed to breaking point.
This is the bottom line — and the most important part of dating a woman. Sure, part of it is because my girlfriend is particularly amazing, but in my experience, dating a woman has meant feeling like it's a genuine, equal partnership. We come at things from the same place. Nobody's career is more important.
Nobody is the 'head' of our relationship. Nobody is expected to do thankless tasks.
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Our future plans and wants and dreams matter equally. Of course there are men out there who are amazing people and make amazing partners — and some women who are selfish as hell. But I've found that, while dating a woman, there's so much more equality and understanding. I feel like an equal partner in my relationship — and that's just how it should be. This article was originally published on Bellesa. Get top stories and blog posts emailed to me each day. Newsletters may offer personalized content or advertisements.
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Video Salute Build. Blogs Blog Voices. Martin Dimitrov via Getty Images. No feeling awkward about who pays I hate the cheque dance on dates. With two women, you just get to sidestep them completely. You meet a seemingly great guy either organically at a bar or online.
You exchange numbers and begin texting. The conversation is effortless — you share similar tastes and make each other laugh. He walks to you respective subway stop — you kiss and make plans to see each other again. You chat a bit via text for the next few days, but a second date never happens. If you are a single gay man who lives in a large city such as New York City — you have had this happen to you before. Work can be stressful, keeping up with friends can be a task and taking a few moments to relax can be fleeting.
So why is it that gay men make dating so much harder than it needs to be? Gay men are — for the most part — a great group of people. Of course we have a few bad apples every group does but we are talented, hard-working people who share a sense of community and have banned together in times of strife and prejudice. Why then are we so terrible to each other when it comes to finding a mate? Time and time again I hear horror stories of bad first dates, ghosting and people telling flat out lies to first daters. I have had many, many, many first dates in the past year and a half but very few second dates.
Here are some of the reasons I have received for not being asked on a second date:.
This is a personal favorite of mine. For the past year or dating, I have made the conscious effort to NOT state what it is I am looking for upon meeting someone in person or online. I am very happy to remain single. I have a wonderful career, great friends and an amazing family that keep me pretty busy. Should an awesome guy enter the equation — great. But a partner is neither going to define who I am or make or break my future.
If someone reaches out to speak to me, I ask them what they are looking for because I am amenable.
Dating Diaries: Am I Dating a Gay Guy or Just a Commitment Phobe?
I am happy to have fun, meet new friends or go on dates in the hopes that it turns into a relationship. If not, then why go on a date in the first place? There are an endless amounts of ways for gay men to get their dick sucked in large metropolitan areas: This seems a pretty fair assessment to me. You may end up being pleasantly surprised by what you find.
This excuse for not meeting again is the oldest and lamest of them all. We are all busy at work, and honestly, I would expect nothing less from the person I am dating.
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I love a man with drive. Again, I am calling bullshit on this excuse. We all have jobs and lives: If you are not in a position to date someone right now, you should not be going on dates. Unless you plan to date a newborn baby, we all have baggage. We all have pasts and sometimes the things that have happened to us in the past can be very traumatic.
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I have found that most strong-willed people can take that baggage and turn it into a positive, therefore making themselves a better person in the process. We all have exes. We all have problems with our jobs or strive for something better. Like I said, we are all in different places and some of our baggage is heavier than others. But asking questions and being honest usually does the trick. It is not, however an acceptable excuse to not see someone again. Because if you are going on an initial date: Here is my favorite of the bullshit excuses for not getting together with someone again.
If someone approaches me, I ask what they are looking for and take it from there. It happens. For example, a grown ass man recently took me out on a date and told me via text and in person multiple times that he was looking for that someone special. Upon being called out, he proceeded to block me on all forms of social media. My biggest pet peeve in life especially in our current political climate is having someone say something to me and then pretend it never happened. There are boundless ways for us to communicate, which should make it very simple for these misunderstandings to never happen in the first place.
The only person this really hurts in the long run is the person who does the ghosting. I understand that we are attached to our devices at all times nowadays and correspondence can oftentimes seem meaningless.